Pictures 10/28/2009

Inmate # 256314798

The red is chemo flush...

A hairdresser's nightmare 10/28/2009

If I looked like this, maybe I wouldn't mind the new buzz cut. Well, Natalie Portman actually has longer (and more) hair in this photo than I do right now. Yesterday I went to the salon to be sheared (as in what they do to sheep), and get my new wig. I knew that this was what I wanted, but the actuality was a bit more daunting than the anticipation. My hair was buzzed off while the chair was faced away from the mirror. When the stylist spun the chair around for me to view my newly shorn head, I was somewhat taken aback to see this older strange-looking woman staring back at me. I can honestly say that I "had a moment" then. But I'm fine. Actually, I was thinking that a fabulous, and easy Halloween costume for me would be that of a female prisoner in the Soviet gulag. That's what I look like (hardly like Natalie).

The wig is good, I have a few head covers so that when I go out, I don't scare young children and dogs. (Pictures to come.)

Probably the most annoying part of this treatment is the waits at the doctor's. This morning, I had an appointment with the oncologist at 9:20, having had my weekly blood tests at 9:00. I arrived in the onc office at 9:10, and was called in for my appointment at 9:45. A nurse came in to check my vitals, and then told me that Dr. Brown would be in to see me "in a few minutes". At 10:25, Dr. Brown came in to do her exam, and was gone in 7 minutes. I'm thinking "Great!, now chemo can start." O silly me! The chemo drip didn't start til 11:45. As Ray counseled me (to quote Frank Costanza, father of George on Seinfeld) Serenity NOW!!

Edit: I just read something I hadn't seen in a while, posted now on The Good Stuff blog. It reminded me of what's really important. Please check it out.

Shedding like a dog 10/25/2009

Thursday night Alex called me and as I was talking to him, I ran my hand through my hair. Several strands came away with my hand. Then I gently tugged at a few strands. They came away with ease. The shedding has begun. Right on time. I've read that hair loss begins somewhere around the 2nd to third week after your first chemo. Bingo! I'm guessing that by the end of the week I'll be sporting my new purchased "do".

At any rate, I'm doing great. Round 2 comes this Wednesday.

No Sweat----so far 10/17/2009

A week and a half out from my first chemo, and I'm here to tell you that I'm doing great. Thursday was the first day that I really felt "like myself" since chemo. I had slept well the night before, the headache was mostly gone, I went to work and the gym (for a great workout), and all-in-all felt good.

I do realize that this is a long journey (by my estimation, I'll be done the chemo, surgery and radiation by early May), and it is a roller coaster one at that. The little things--my mouth is inflamed, and everything tastes metallic, are minor inconveniences.

Your prayers lift me up. Keep em coming.

Thanks and love to you all.

I scream, you scream, we all scream, for... 10/13/2009

I'm not sure if it was the Neulasta shot (to boost white blood cell count) the day after chemo that did it, but I spent Friday through Monday with a killer headache. (The headache is still there, but isn't debilitating). Friday I did a half day at work. By 1:00, my eyes felt like they were burning a hole in my head, and I left for home.

On Monday I was back in to work. I must say I felt better after a good sweat at the gym. But the headache was hanging in there. Other than tiredness, a constant taste of metal in my mouth, a bit of gastrointestinal distress, and nasty symptoms that Preparation H and a cold pack helped to abate, I'm doing pretty well.

I'm on the hunt for any foods that taste good. Ray was an absolute angel for going out on Friday night to get ice cream. Food of the gods!!! Not only does it take that metallic taste out of your mouth for the time you're eating it, but it feels so good going down! Watermelon is another treat. Sorry to say that some of the things I liked before taste gross--tea, for example. Jenna has suggested that sweet and salty are good. I think she's right--peanuts and almonds taste good. If potato chips didn't rip up the inside of my mouth, I could probably eat a bag a day. Thank God they WOULD irritate my sensitive mouth. I don't want to begin thinking about the result of 1500 calorie daily binges...

Bottom line, is that I'm gradually getting used to the fact that life as I knew it is gone, and I've got to get used to a new reality. While I really want my old body back, I CAN learn new tricks. I can do anything. I can even do chemo....and win.

My new life 10/10/2009

The day after chemo, I must say, I was feeling pretty chipper. I got up, did a laundry, did a brisk walk over 3 miles, then crashed. I had woken up with a very flushed red face, and called in to the onc office to find that this was fairly common, and due to the steroids. All in all, I was feeling pretty good. If this was all I had to deal with, then I'd ace this test. Steve came up on Wednesday night and took me back to the onc on Thursday for my Neulasta shot--to boost white blood cell count. It's really hitting me now that for the next year, my life will be a never ending series of doctor's offices, shots and tests. The schedule is: chemo, shot the next day, then back for blood labs once a week until the next chemo. I'll be continuing the Herceptin infusion every 3 weeks for the next year. I'm going to have a mini-party when they remove the port from my chest.

Then came Friday. Back to work. By the time I got to work, I was still feeling OK. I started to work on a particular project, and by noon, my eyes felt like they were going to burn out of my head, and fatigue washed over me like a tidal wave. I crashed and burned by 1:30. Back home, I vowed to pace myself better going forward.

Last night without the steroids, I slept much better, and feel pretty good this morning.

1 down, 5 to go 10/7/2009

Ray arrived at about 1:40 with roses. What a good guy! He had to wait around til 5:00 when the infusion was finally done. We're home now, and I am just so tired. I think it's because of the very little sleep I got because of the dexamethasone last night and today. Even today I only slept about 20 minutes. This picture was taken as we were leaving .

Sending in the marines 10/7/2009

I arrived at the infusion center just before 8:00 am, and then met with Dr. Browne, my oncologist. After preliminary checks of weight, bp, pulse, chest sounds, I asked her the laundry list of questions with which I had come prepared. Ready, set, go--to infusion room #3, where I was greeted with a comfy chair, table, wireless internet, and 42" lcd tv. The first attempt to access the port was unsuccessful--the nurse (Melissa) wasn't able to draw blood. A second attempt, and a second insertion of this god-awfully long needle proved successful after I got up and moved around to perhaps uncrimp the port tube in my chest.

First up is an anti-nausea, benadryl drip, then more dexamethasone. Then the first wave of marines get sent in via the taxotere.

Will be back to you later.

The results are in 10/5/2009

The sentinel node biopsy showed that the cancer had indeed spread outside the breast. It showed up in all 5 nodes that were taken in the biopsy. Nothing changes as far as the treatment plan.

Training Day 10/2/2009

Today I met with the oncology nurse to go over the upcoming schedule of chemo and to review what I would be going through the next several months. Starting Wednesday, October 7th, and continuing every 3 weeks for 6 cycles, you'll find me at the oncology center taking my infusion. By my calculations, I'll have my last go-round on January 20th.


"So do not fear , for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." Isaiah 41:10

Why doctors should wait 10/1/2009

So I got it wrong yesterday. It turns out that the surgeon took 5 nodes and they are at the lab now being tested to see if the cancer is in them. These are the nodes in the sentinel area. I should know for sure tomorrow or Monday whether the cancer has spread beyond the breast. This is just one more reason why doctors should wait to discuss the surgery til patients are completely awake and cogent.